The Bell Tolls for Thee

It was an end of an era last night in the Yerem household. 

Neil's been nurturing a snowball in the freezer since Jan. 2, 2011. We had a surprise bit of snow, and Neil made himself a good-sized snowball and stashed it in the freezer. "I'm going to keep it forever!"

Great.

Smack dab in the middle of the middle shelf of our freezer sat his snowball in a plastic container -- hand-packed snow and surrounding bits of grass that came with it. 

Neil would check on it, take it out and admire it and then put it back. January, February, March... I finally scooted it over so actual frozen food could fit on this shelf in the freezer. This is not some Sub Zero monstrosity. This is your average household kitchen freezer attached to a fridge. We needed the space.

April, May, June, July, August, September, October, November, December, January, February and into March... The snowball has lived behind frozen fish sticks, popsicles, Pizza Rolls, green beans and various other things for the past 14 1/2 months.

Last night, after being hit in the toe by a frozen block of something falling out of the freezer, I started rearranging shelves. The snowball container was there, but the last remnants of the snowball was only about the size of a marble...

The snowball's time had come.

Thanks Dad

I made myself cry the other night.

My seventh-grader made honor society. Jack works hard at school, getting straight A's. He attends the same junior high that I did. We are very proud of him, but it doesn't bring me to tears.

At least no tears until I walked into the junior high auditorium for the installation ceremony.

Suddenly, I was back in seventh grade. This dingy room with brick walls, faded stage curtain and folding chairs in rows brought back my seventh grade honor society installation. I could feel my dad's hand in mine. I could feel the weight of the gigantic (at least in my 12-year-old eyes) corsage that was on my wrist.

My dad had bought the corsage for me. No doubt he spent time carefully picking the yellow rose and carnations that made up the arrangement. My dad was always specific in his floral gifts. There was always meaning. The color, the flower, the arrangement -- it was all a gift of his love.

I was his pride and joy, his only daughter. My daddy adored me. And I had made honor society. HONOR SOCIETY. My dad was born in China to missionaries, joined the Navy and never graduated from high school, had to go to night school to get his GED, made his living as a machinist. This man's daughter had earned recognition for her academics.

My dad was so proud. He was busting at the seems. He couldn't brag enough. He was stopping people in the grocery store, at the park, wherever he went.

Of course, I didn't realize why he was bragging or what it meant to him. I was hitting the teen years, and I was horrified that my father had bought this HUGE, old-fashioned flower thingy that I was supposed to wear. No one else's dad was making them wear something like this. Why was he embarrassing me?

And everyone asked about the corsage... It was torture. I didn't want to hurt my dad's feelings, but how could he not see how difficult this was on me?

How could I not see how much he loved me?

As a parent walking into this year's honor society ceremony, I look at my son. I'm bursting with pride. How did his father and I manage to create something so awesome as this boy? Jack is amazing (so is his brother Neil, but that's another story). I can feel my dad's pride and love. As I stand here with my husband, I think I understand that moment in my father's life. I'd have bought Jack the biggest corsage ever if it would show him how much I love him, how proud I am of him. I'd give him anything, ANYTHING if I thought it could convey the bone-deep, life-altering love I have for him.

But he's 12. He thinks parents always love their kids. He thinks parents are always blessed enough to be with their kids all the time, go to almost every activity. He thinks I'm fussing over him. He thinks it's no big deal. Someday, he'll know. He'll know it is a big deal. HE is a big deal. He's always been a big deal to me just like I know I was a big deal to my daddy.

And I am so thankful for that corsage. It was beautiful.